Here’s a few things you’ll need to know if you wanna be my one and only all my life.
I hope this letter finds you well.
I have been looking for the right time to tell you this, but this is as good a time as any. It’s regarding our union. Please be patient with me and read this with an open mind.
Babe, I have serious doubts about this whole marriage thing; I think it crops from all the negativity going around. I therefore propose that we do it differently. I suggest that we go into it like business partners. Yes, you read right. We will have a business plan, get some training, choose a location, iron out legal structures… the whole nine. And then once we have come to an agreement and are both satisfied with the terms we will invite our friends and families to come celebrate us. You see, what they will think is a wedding will actually be a launch party. It will be our own little secret.
I need you to understand that my paranoia and insecurities have nothing to do with you but rather what has been happening around us. I would like to believe that we can rise above it, but I can’t risk it. In communication theories we learn about Cultivation theory (my lecturers would be so proud of me right about now) which states that television shapes concepts of social reality. This theory postulates that frequently watching negative things about the world on television leads us to the belief that the world is a far worse and dangerous place than it actually is.
This might be the cause of my insecurities about marriage but as you can see they are not baseless. Listen, I know there are a lot of marriages that actually work but the media does not focus on those because they are not newsworthy. They say when it bleeds it leads and therefore that is why we will see more of wives who have been battered by their husbands, cheated on, mistreated and even murdered than those who are in good marriages and are genuinely happy.
Now that you’re all caught up…
Let’s try this again.
Dear Future Life Partner,
I have done proper research into how our partnership will work. I even found ten steps on how to start a business and this is how we will apply them to our situation.
Step One: Write a Business Plan- this will be sort of a map of how we will run our partnership. I think I read somewhere that a business plan is essentially a road map for success. See, we are already starting off on a very good note.
Step Two: Get Business Assistance and Training- This is where we will seek advice and guidance from our role models. We will model our partnership from those who have come before us and have managed to figure out the secret to a lasting marriage.
Step Three: Choose a Business Location- Well, this will be the easiest step. We will just to look for a conducive environment in which we can thrive in. Seeing as we both have experience here, it will be super easy and fun.
Step Four: Finance Your Business- Babe, a good company is one that guarantees return on investment and therefore we will need to be shrewd in planning our expenses as well as our investments to ensure that we have a good life and that we provide our children with everything they dream of.
Step Five: Determine the Legal Structure of the Business- Listen; I propose we do this drunk, why you ask? This will be the most difficult stage. I know we will argue and disagree on a lot of things plus you know I’m a last born and as such I’m used to having things my way. I know this is going to be particularly tough on me seeing as I will have to compromise on things and it’s going to kill me but I will do it because I love you.
I believe this is enough for today; I do not want to overwhelm you. I will tell you the rest very soon. So please take your time and really think about my proposal. I think it will be really fun.
It’s my hope that we will never have to dissolve our company.
P.S> “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, she changes it more often.”Oliver Herford. Catch my drift?
Girl About Town.